When someone agrees to be an executor, they rarely know the extent of what they’re signing up for. It tends to be a conversation from years before the death, where a parent or friend asks, “would you mind?” and the answer is “of course not”, because saying no to that sort of request is inherently an awkward thing to do.
Most people are less aware of the fact that it’s a legal duty that can take upwards of a year. In my opinion, the most underestimated challenge is that the role comes into effect at the exact moment that they are grieving.
Why the executor role takes a toll
On paper, the executor’s job seems simple. Key duties include valuing the estate, dealing with HMRC, applying for probate, settling outstanding debts and distributing the remaining assets according to the deceased’s wishes. Unfortunately, it is often more complicated than it sounds. Most executors are family or close friends of the deceased, a fact that adds a layer of emotional complication, in that they are dealing with the loss of someone close to them whilst being asked to make difficult decisions about their loved one’s home, possessions and money. Each duty is a reminder of loss and the pace of the process often leaves very little space to grieve.
The mental burden of the responsibility should not be underestimated. Executors can be personally liable if things go wrong in the estate settling process. There is the added complication of the expectations of beneficiaries, people who are often siblings or other relatives of the deceased. This can be additionally taxing when there is existing stress in the family, as more often than not, the executor becomes the one trapped in the middle.
Money is another hurdle here, as inheritance tax often needs to be paid before probate is granted, the catch being that the executor can rarely access the estate’s funds until probate has come through. This stage often leaves executors feeling as though they are stuck, something that is only compounded by external factors such as changing interest rates. In many cases, executors even consider using their own savings to help keep things moving.
Recognising the signs
Executor burnout often appears gradually and professionals working with executors are some of the best placed to notice it thanks to their familiarity with the estate and probate cycle.
Some of the signs worth looking out for include:
- Correspondence going unanswered
- A sense of being overwhelmed during meetings
- Difficulty making decisions
- Guilt that they are letting the deceased down
- Growing conflict with beneficiaries
It’s important to note that none of these signs on their own mean that someone is burnt out, but a pattern of them is often a signal that the executor needs more support than they are getting.
What practitioners can do
Often, the most helpful thing is setting clear expectations with the executor and being honest with them about what the role involves and how long it can take. Unrealistic expectations are one of the biggest drivers of stress. When people go into the probate process thinking it will only take a few weeks, but it then takes a year, they tend to assume they are doing something wrong. It can also be helpful to remind executors that they don’t have to do everything alone; responsibilities can be shared with co-executors and tasks can be delegated to professionals. In some cases, it may even be appropriate for an executor to step back from the role entirely. Many people don’t realise these options exist, and knowing that they do can be a relief in itself.
Taking the financial pressure off
From where I sit, financial uncertainty is one of the most underestimated contributors to executor stress. At Provira, we work with executors and beneficiaries who are waiting on probate and facing costs they can’t yet meet from the estate. An estate advance can help an executor to cover costs such as inheritance tax, allowing them to keep the process moving without being forced into rushed decisions. An inheritance advance can give beneficiaries access to part of what they’re due while the estate is being administered, which can ease some of the pressure executors face from family members who are waiting. These options won’t be right for everyone, but for many people they create some much-needed breathing room.
Where to signpost for support
Alongside practical and financial help, it’s important that executors, and the professionals supporting them, know where to turn if they need emotional support.
Some key organisations include:
- Cruse Bereavement Support – national helpline (0808 808 1677)
- Mind – information and support for anyone experiencing mental health difficulties (mind.org.uk)
- Samaritans – available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for anyone who needs to talk (116 123)
Being an executor is an act of care for the person who has died. But it shouldn’t come at the cost of the executor’s own wellbeing. As a sector, we can do more to prepare people for the role, notice when they’re struggling, and make sure they know what help is available, whether that’s practical, financial or emotional. If this World Mental Health Day prompts even a few of those conversations, that would be a good outcome.
About the author
Steve Gauke is managing director at Provira. He joined in early 2022 and has seen the business grow to become the leading provider of probate loans in the UK. He holds a Master’s Degree in Business Studies and has over 20 years experience in professional services, including senior roles at The Law Society of England & Wales and Kreston Reeves. Steve is focussed on ensuring the business delivers a world class service to both its customers and partners. It is this approach that has been the cornerstone of Provira’s success and is the driving motivation for the whole Provira team.
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and not necessarily those of Today’s Wills and Probate.
